Living the Wormhole. Grief as the transformer.

I have really lived this ‘wormhole’ period of the last 6 weeks.

Wormhole: being propelled instantly through a Gateway of Power by once-in-a-lifetime astrological occurrences into a new dimension of understanding. Yep, really.

I am living a roller coaster of my deepest fears and wildest fantasies.  I have experienced incredibly beautiful loving and sharing with my lover and then crashed horribly into judgement, fear and blame of him, and from him, right afterwards.  My cash flow issues reared their ugly heads, and having to clean up the mess through my personal shame around that, was excruciating.  And then my worst fear happened…my lover broke up with me and I felt devastating loss.  I had to let go of trying to fix any of it on my own,  and just simply  surrendered to the ‘rock bottom‘ of my life on the down side, wondering what the universe had in store for me next.  I felt like I had no control at all.

So at rock bottom, it was easy to sign up for an 11/11 full 24 hr Grief Ritual for our personal losses and through that, the collective.  I prayed to be healed of my grief around my current relationship.  I felt all the pain of the hurts I had felt through our time together.  I felt all the abandonment his actions had triggered in me, the present and the past – from my childhood.  Also inspired by a desire to pray around the Fukishima events unfolding, I prayed for all of the people involved at the nuclear plant in Japan and humanity watching on in fear.   I felt for humanity and for the Earth and what is happening on her.

The ritual was held in the name of the Black Madonna (Kali) and, wailing inside, I went to the depths.  I wept a little, and went numb  for what seemed like a LOOOONG time, and felt an almost unbearable heaviness.  The ritual gave us permission to feel it all with no set time to come out.  I felt things I had been repressing for a LOOOONG time.  And in vivid detail.  Was there no end to this dark tunnel?  Getting triggered into rage at a note from my ex-lover actually catapulted me out of the darkness and I raged like crazy.  After embracing the fury, finally the grief lifted.  At the end, I was strangely empty and soft, and knew in my bones that I wanted healing.


With that intention foremost on my mind, the next day, I went to see my lover to talk, and and shared from the deepest part of me what I desired.  A healing into love, if we were departing – knowing I wanted us to end with love, not estrangement. There was a buzz of shakti in my body and my heart chakra was alive, and I was very vulnerable.  After some sharing, the energy in the room shifted.  In exhaustion and surrender, I had dropped all my accusations, blame and struggle for perfection and I just was.  And miraculously, in perfect mirroring, so did he.  He dropped all his prior conditions, lists of ‘good qualities’ and relationship contracts said he just wanted to love me, however that would be.  He said the purity with which I came to him helped him to feel a new level of love.  It was a total reversal.  The grieving what had been was over. And all that was left were feelings of softness and yearning for connection between us where previously there had only been hurt and estrangement.

The great ‘She’ showed me that letting go and fully embracing my vulnerability showed me that LOVE is the great resurrector, the only true transformer.  And I believe it.  I lived it.  All is possible with love….

So that is my story.  What is yours?

As we near the end of the ‘wormhole‘, the astrological name for the eclipses, and other astrological challenges we are dealing with at present, we have one more piece to navigate.  The full moon in Scorpio on Sunday.  By now we have learned what we are dealing with and transforming.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  This period will likely leave you profoundly changed. We are integrating what we have learned from the intensity of the last month.  The full moon on Sunday synthesizes all… we start to walk out talk!

I know you have been through it yourself, and I feel you.  Blessings.

If you want to participate in the next Grief Ritual it will be on 12/12/13.  Look for details here.

From my past post, here is the ECLIPSE definition again: An eclipse always means that some amount of change is due, or sometimes overdue. If one has neglected matters, then an eclipse may bring a sort of crisis in order to turn things around and bring things back into a healthier balance.   Or an eclipse may open new doors and present major life-changing opportunities.

When an eclipse aligns closely with one of your planets, the significance of the eclipse for you is intensified. The closer the eclipse aligns with your natal planet, the more important it is.

In the outside world and in our personal lives, an eclipse is a dynamic transit that often coincides with important developments. It contains a stimulating and excitable energy that is sometimes a bit destabilizing.  Activity often increases shortly following an eclipse (or even prior to the eclipse, in some cases). This is why it’s recommended to hold off on making major life altering changes or decisions around the time of an eclipse. The atmospheric energy needs a little time to settle out. That way your new plan, project, or strategy has a better chance of stabilizing and working out in your favor.

Everyone feels the stimulation of an eclipse to some degree. For some it is subtle, while for others it can be quite intense. It can be enlightening to simply observe the things going on around you at eclipse time. Sometimes a relatively small incident gives clues to issues that will take on more importance in the months to come.
(summarized from

If you would like to schedule an astrological reading to find out how this eclipse is affecting your chart during this month of Scorpio and for the next 6 months, ask the Scorpio Astrologer! email me at to make an appointment.  **Special Wormhole rate of $85 for 60 mins*